YouPorn Massage

YouPorn Massage

    Youporn, we porn, everybody porn. Yeah, that makes no sense but now I can’t stop singing that shit in my head and now I need to go on a run or fuck your favorite female relatives to clear my head and balls.

    My Youporn.com review is here to save your wank if you were planning to introduce your blue balls to the site for the sole purpose of spilling your dick juices so much that it spills on your unsuspecting female relatives “accidentally”.

Youporn, Weporn, Lick cum!

    The first thing that I saw when I got on their site was a page that was dedicated to age verification. They wrote some sanctimonious bullshit about why they care about not showing smut to underage people. But to me, this looks like a bouncer guarding the club with his man-boobs instead of a hard chiseled chest that would not let even a drop of water squeeze through.

    The dark background I met on their homepage was what the doctor ordered because there’s nothing worse than being blinded by a bright white light when you wanna beat your meat in a place as dark as your pervy heart is. There are splashes of pink that make the site look like something out of a futuristic sci-fi porn movie. In short, they managed to impress my balls with their homepage.

    The first videos that are shown on the homepage belong to a section named; “Free porn videos recommended to you”.
And now I’m too busy thinking about how they know what porn I would like to see. Are they watching me through my webcam? Do they have a secret agent hiding in my closet watching me and taking notes of every porn I beat my meat to? If I get a hold of them, I’m gonna purposely jizz all over them so they’ll have a huge load to report.

    I’ve got to say, I don’t know who is in charge of finding the exact frame to use for their thumbnails but I believe that they should give him a raise or a blowjob because he does his job well. The thumbnail that I am currently looking at managed to capture the exact moment the porn actress was squirting out of her pussy and her face had the look of a surprised fish that we men absolutely enjoy seeing.

Grilling The Smut Out Of Youporn!

    If you go to their menu, you won’t see a normal design. Normally, most porn sites would just put their categories and some other shit in there but Youporn goes a step further to add thumbnails as well. They also have Trending Searches so you can wank to whatever everyone else is. You would also get to see Recommended Pornstars for you because their secret agent is working extra hard to know what you’re into.

    Most of the videos I have seen so far are in 1080p or 2160p and that is a plus because when I am watching porn, I like to be able to see the sweat roll off the backs of a porn actress’s body as she is getting banged like a rag doll or a sex doll. I only saw one video on the homepage that was in 720p. So if they can keep this up, they might get a recommendation out of me without having to bribe me with some sucky-sucky action.

    The video that I chose to watch here was one that contained content that I’m gonna need to recreate immediately after being done with this review. I went to the massage section because my joints and butt hurt from having to sit on my ass writing for y’all, but more importantly, I could really use a happy ending. And I’ll just say it now, if I am offered a male former wrestler as a masseur, I’m going to a different place!

    I finally found a video to set the mood for me and it was an “All girl” massage featuring two porn actresses. It didn’t take too long for the masseuse to go from massaging her thighs to sticking her fingers into the other actress’s wet dripping hole. Seeing all this in HD made me feel like that pervert peeping Tom that is hiding in a lotion bottle for the guilty purpose of wanking to this.

What The Porn Guy Thinks Of Youporn

    Youporn is exactly as its name sounds. They managed to deliver a porn site that is meant for you and recommends smut that you would like to be watching. I thought this was just gonna be another fancy site that really has nothing to offer but I was wrong. I also liked the fact that they have no Ads destroying my horniness and filling me with so much rage. So, with all that in mind, they’ve gotten a recommendation from me!