YesBackpage

YesBackpage.com

    Ladies and gents, I thought I had suffered too much in this life until Google asked me to check some boxes as a security measure before I could access YesBackpage. The indignity of this is mind-boggling and I am waiting for an apology from Google headquarters before the end of the day. Don’t they know they are messing with ThePornGuy, the fella who has been making their mothers and grandmothers do the bowlegged walk time out of mind? They better be careful, or their chief executives will soon be walking around with my foot in their fat asses and my toes pinching their colons!

    Anyway, here’s my YesBackpage.com review. Read it and weep and then say yes to your significant other exploring your backside with a cucumber that’s longer than your leg and hungrier than a cock fiend rotting to bits at Supermax!

Yes Backpage, Says The Slut As She’s Led To The Cock Slaughterhouse!

    Someone out there seems to be cranking out escort homepages by the dozen daily. That might explain why so many escort homepages look like they came out of the same mold and have identical batch numbers! Either that or escort sites simply don’t care about looks and wanna focus on the quality of the cuntified sluts they have. But if that’s so, why do so many escort sites both have shitty homepages and site features, plus mediocre chicks you would hesitate to fuck if they offered their snatches or gullets for free? Oh well!

    Anyway, the YesBackpage homepage is an ordinary affair with as much color to it as a pile of wet cement. Hell, there well could be more color to wet cement, especially if you take the time and trouble to shit in it!

    Needless to say, this place is not gonna win any design awards this century or the next. And it is not because I am not a fan of minimalist designs. It is just that this place looks too stark for my taste and it doesn’t take much of an imagination to think the design elements could have been inspired by the front page of a newspaper from the 40s or 50s. And I don’t think I am exaggerating.

    And yeah, YesBackpage.com looks a hella lot like its namesake- Backpage. That site was shut down by the feds and its admins hunted to hell and back. One of their head honchos even killed himself a year or so ago, no thanks to the po-po. But with Backpage being immensely popular, it makes a lot of sense that a lot of sites popped up bearing the same name, but with twists like YesBackpage, NoBackpage, FuckYouBackpage, DrillYourCuntyGirlfriendBackpage and that kind of thing!

Booty-Led On Yes Backpage

    Hell, the way I see it, this place is either run by a perv or a sadist. And how do I know that? Well, mainly because it seems like YesBackpage.com has never heard of site features. I am not saying that the features here are non-existent. They are just inadequate to a degree that makes little sense.

    There’s nothing like advanced search here, with like ⅔ of the homepage being filled with US/Canadian state and city names. The rest of the space has a very exhaustive About Us. Damn, that shit must be a thousand-plus words and exactly why something so profound was needed is something I cannot figure out. At least not without suffering an aneurysm.

    The aforementioned About Us talks about Backpage, why the US government shut it down, and how YesBackpage is the best Backpage alternative since sliced bread and Eve booty spreadeagled on Adam’s face as a snake went about swallowing his eager truncheon! So yeah, it is useful. But it is just so extensive that I doubt that few would sit down and go through the length and depth of it. Why then did YesBackpage go to the trouble of pasting such a lengthy tome on their homepage?

    Anyway, the background here is off-white and a login/sign-up tab is at the far right of the page. Signing up is free, as it should be. If you are a member you get offered a more immersive experience and can post ads, see escort pics, and enjoy a few other privileges. The biggest advantage to signing up has to be that it lets you post ads of an adult and non-adult nature. Not interested in that sort of thing, or in pimping out your kissing cousin or mother-in-law? Then there is no need to get a membership card here.

    And oh, posting ads on Yes Backpage is not free and to pay for that you will need to buy store credit.

God Bless America In Good Times and Booty-Starved Times!

    Just about every state in the US and Canada is posted on the homepage. There are more US states than Canadian ones though, and each state has its cities -most or all of it- listed. A little way down the page are listings for Australia, the UK, and New Zealand. But of course, the US is the focus here and it rightly or otherwise has more escorts than the rest of the other countries featured in this place. Hell, there are more escorts in a single US city than in all other listed countries combined. Still, that does not matter as much as you might think, especially if you have moolah in spades and can afford to fly out any escort from YesBackpage you’ve taken a fancy to.

    The way things work here, you gotta click on a state or city and then get taken to a page where just about everything under the sun is being bought or sold. Yeah, there are snatch and body rubs to be had, but also antiques, real estate, jobs, and automotive parts. This place is like Craigslist or the Backpage of yore, and seeing the kind of stuff on offer just gives you a hankering to go searching there for WWII artillery pieces that the ATF might turn a blind eye to you possessing!

    And by the way, there are more than female escorts here. You get body rub pros, strippers, doms, fetish experts and dabblers, strip clubs, male escorts, adult jobs, and opportunities to meet up and do the fucking business for free with horny fellows like yourself. Is someone in your neighborhood who’s on Yes Backpage offering you a free fuck? Well, better be sure that they are not giving you a discount on the clap or worse. Like didn’t your mommy tell you to beware of free gifts, especially those that make you cum?

A Backpage Kind of Business

    Ever heard of Charlotte in North Carolina? Well, that was the first city listing I clicked on, mainly because the city name sounded like a sweet summer day that got you feeling so lazy you lay down nude at the park and wake up to a hot MILF licking your boner while her husband watches. Once you are awake, you can either chill and enjoy what you are getting, or holler for the cops to come lock up the chick who dares brush her teeth with your equipment without getting a signed and sealed consent form from your kingly self!

    Clicking on the Female Escort links here got me taken to another page filled with escort ads, with these ads arranged by date. These ads lack pictures, with only phone numbers, services offered, emails, and some personal details being listed. Ads here actually have pictures and to see these you have to log in and click on escort profile links. There’s usually just a single picture per escort ad, with no video to be seen. But posted pictures tend to be high-res and can be zoomed with a click. That said, the escort profile pages here are not professionally arranged for the best effect and that sucks.

    Worth noting is that every featured city varies in the number and quality of the escorts it hosts and these numbers cannot be easily and conveniently checked out on the homepage. Thus, a hick town will usually have fewer and lesser quality escorts than a big and more important one. So, if you intend to make use of YesBackpage, it might be worth your time to book a tight escort from a big city who wants your cock to get so deep in her it will be quarreling with her kidneys!

    Anyway, Annie Bishop is in Topeka, Kansas. She’s 25 years old, straight, and offers anal XXX, bareback action, oral XXX, BJs, 69 fuckathons, and the like. This chick is supposedly available all day and night, loves squirting her life force in your face, and has a body to die for. Hell, she could pass for a supermodel and has one of those grinning faces that makes your heart do cartwheels, a fat booty that convinces you how much the almighty loves human beings, and jugs so full I don’t want to wonder about the kind of back aches they give her. And even more outstanding, everything about her seems to be all-natural.

    Juliet, on the other hand, calls Monroe in Louisiana home. She’s a 26-year-old blonde who does not appear to have any limits. Breast fucks, deep throating, Nuru massages, 69, and anal XXX form part of what she’s offering and she’s even fetish-friendly. There’s a single nude picture on her profile showing her posing before a mirror with her full tits on display and the long slit between her legs winking at you. She seems a better lay than Annie Bishop, but that is mostly because Annie comes across as a kind of nympho, and getting entangled with her could cost you your life and your reputation as a king fuck!

    Now, the escorts on this escort US site seem to be of above-average quality. There does not appear to be any means of verification, but they mainly appear genuine. I am pretty sure there’s spam here, but it sure was making a good effort to stay hidden during my review. Maybe I need new glasses and the phone numbers of the hottest eye doctors you have in your state!

What ThePornGuy Thinks of Yes Backpage

    Well, as far as I can see, this place is a viable Backpage alternative. Yeah, it does not have standout features, looks like shit, and suffers from some pretensions of grandeur. But it’s still a potent little fucker and a place where you should check to see if there’s an escort in your city who’s looking to jump on your bones hard enough to get a splinter in her ass!