Ro89

Ro89.com

    Despite all my raging against sites whose name fails to reflect what they do, I regret to say that Ro89 refuses a name change and has blocked their ears to my admonitions and pleadings. The next step would be to drag the site admins by their hairy balls to the hallowed halls of the Supreme Court! And if you don’t think I am well capable of that, then you weren't paying attention when my parents threw my newly born self into shark-infested waters to sink or swim! That’s the kind of mercy I would be giving those running Ro89.com!

    In the meantime here’s my Ro89.com review and you might want to scoop it on a piece of fresh bread and chow down the combo with a will!

Ro Ro Ro the cock gently down the stream

      The world is coming to an end! Know how I know this? It‘s really simple. See, despite the vast amounts of porn out there and the even more impressive collection of smut released every day, you still can spend endless and fruitless hours searching social media like Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram for the perfect fap material, and have the same experience on porn sites like XVideos.

    To me, that is like searching for a cup of water in the middle of a river, or an open snatch at a brothel. And because of this wasteful nonsense, there’s no way you cannot convince me this world is not ending soonest, and I sure won’t regret the end of the world if the pussy up above is as heavenly as they claim!

    Rant over, let’s talk about Roe vs Wade. Oh shit! I meant Ro89.com. So, Ro89 is a porn search engine and if you don’t know what that is I am gonna sneak into your abode while you are asleep and fire flaming arrows into the mouth of your one-eyed snake!

    Porn search engines for those of you sleeping in the back are usually sophisticated masterpieces that let you search the content of multiple XXX sites all at once. They are like the smutty version of a superpower and will make your smut searches more rewarding.

    Ro89 here goes for a very minimalist design. It could pass for a cousin of Google’s famous homepage and is super clean and attractive. I like my sites to have enough flash and dazzle to blind a goblin wearing $100 sunshades, but Ro89 dispenses with such frivolous stuff entirely.

    At the top right of the homepage, you get over a dozen flags. Tap on the different countries represented and the site language will change to match it. Neat!

    But the biggest feature here is a search bar and this is of the basic kind. Next to it are a couple of dice and above it is the site logo and motto. The latter is anything but inspiring and it merely invites you to search and organize your XXX collection.

    The dice icon I just mentioned stands in for a Random search function. Click on them dice and a new page will load on which there will be random smut searches that might or might not make your woody think it just won the lottery and the hand of a princess both! Ever had something like that happen to you? If so, I hope you taught your princess the virtues of walking bowlegged henceforth and gobbling dick to get her daily dose of vitamins and nutrients from a lottery winner like yourself!

    Now, a little way under the search bar is a rectangular bar that hosts a few popular search terms. These include Fake Taxi, Bisexual, Needle, and Loli. 90 points to you if you know what Loli stands for!

    The bottom of the Ro89 is far from empty. There are located links to site partners, and varied XXX and leak sites, the FAQ, and terms of use, plus new XXX videos, best XXX videos, and XXX Category links. Just why the last three links are not lounging atop the homepage is something I do not have the strength to analyze! Blame the nearest she-devil for that!

    Worth noting is that content on the XXX Categories link is alphabetically arranged and extensive. For sure it bears checking out.

Wanking Mode Activated!

    So, ladies and gentlemen of my beloved fappers association, let’s go see what videos Ro89 has ready for us all! Now might be the time to get your lube all warmed up, and your cum bucket nearby, ready to harvest your load. Just saying!

    To begin proceedings, I first clicked on the Screaming Compilation link that’s among the popular search terms listed in the box that’s on the Ro89 homepage. Unfortunately, it only had less than two and a half pages of content. These and all other smut can be sorted by duration, popularity, source, recentness, and genre covered. The latter means that should you so desire, you can check out gay, straight, shemale, or homemade XXX only, but not a mix of all, and related search terms are also provided.

    As for what I meant by sources, I gotta tell you that almost all the smut here is sourced from 5 XXX sites and that’s a definite disappointment when most other porn sites have smut from a score or so of sites. The 5 main XXX sites that Ro89.com relies on to do its thing are TNAFlix, Pornhub, Xhamster, Porn300 and PornDroids.

    The biggest advantage that’s gained from restricting smut sources to only 5 sites is that these sites are known names and serious about what they do. That means you get good videos that play without issues and should have practically no malware or virus concerns.

    And of course, the biggest disadvantage here is that because the database on Ro89 only covers 5 sites, this database will be smaller when compared to those of most other competitors. Thus, it should interest you to know that Ro89 only has a little over 32 million videos in its database, rather than the 5 million-plus that’s more common in the porn search engine sector.

    Anyway, soon figuring that Screaming Compilation might not be a VERY popular search term, I went back and clicked on Lesbian Amateurs. Content in this niche filled 30 pages and that’s respectable enough, but it is less than most other porn search engines I have been on.

    I then decided to check out the Teen Couple collection. It too filled 30 pages, with titles like Amateur Teen Couple Fucking In Homemade Video, Young Amateur Teen Couple Spycam Fuck, Older Couple Seduce Teen For A Threesome and Amateur Teen Couple With Big Ass Thai Girlfriend.

    Not bad? Anyway, the Thai with the big ass turned out not to have that big of a rear. Sure, it might be big for a Thai, but I have seen plenty bigger bubble butts than the one this thot was carrying around. But that doesn't mean I would keep my hands to myself if she came over to me and started rubbing herself on my woody and talking about kidney displacement by cocks that bow to no cunts!

What I Think of Ro89

    I honestly cannot find any reason to recommend this wackily-named porn search engine. It has nothing that others like it don’t have and in bigger and better quantity/quality too, with its small database being the biggest thing to complain about.

    So, I am not recommending this piece of shit till they give it a good going over and get me a good-paying job as Ariana Grande’s bathing attendant and personal pussy trimmer!