NuVid

NuVid.com

    I guess Nuvid is cool-speak for ”new videos” and why that might be a perfectly acceptable name for a corner video store, It does not indicate at all as to what the site is all about and that means my grandma might hear Nuvid.com being talked about and in her innocence search for the site, and find a video of me and my step sister playing doctor. Oh hell!

     Anyway, here’s my Nuvid.com review. Read it and weep or I will come over and see if you need a second asshole for bragging purposes!

Piss On Me My Lovely!

    I dunno about you, but Nuvid sure does look like the kind of site you visit when you are feeling so nostalgic you wanna go to the school where your ex works now, bend her over the desk, spread her ass cheeks and jam your artillery piece into any hole that looks the most pleased to see you! Yeah, the site design is very dated and I would be so surprised I would give birth to a live frog if someone told me that its looks have been updated within the last two decades!

    You get the usual video image thumbnails here, with these being of such size that the homepage does not look too crowded. White is the background color, though there are red accents here and there. User options are sufficient and include a basic search bar you can use to search for videos or images, login and sign up tabs, and sorting options arranged vertically at the left of the page that makes it easy to fall upon a video of a certain duration or rating, which were added at a certain time. There are also some selectable categories in that corner, plus the option to switch from straight to trans or gay porn, or all three at the same time for those occasions when you feel like seeing stuff that will make you tug your woody away from where it has been fixed since you were born!

    Are there main tabs on Nuvid.com? Does your girl have a pair of tits she wants to slap you silly with! She does? Then yeah, there are main tabs here, and if there weren’t you can expect me to picket the home of the Nuvid admin this night and complain! Videos, Live Sex, Categories, Photos, Pornstars, Stories, Community, Premium, and Mobile are the tab army here and I will discuss each in turn.

    So, the Mobile tab takes you to the mobile version of Nuvid and it is even more dated-looking than the web version. I don’t know what the Premium tab does. Clicking on it multiple times only opened a new page on which was a warning that I better leg it home if I knew what was good for me. That I did! As for the Community tab, it has 85 pages of member profiles. Of course, to use this page to the fullest you gotta click the Signup tab and get a membership card. Registration is a breeze and you will be required to provide your email, tick a couple of boxes plus the captcha and state the sex you identify as. And that’s it.

    On the Community page, you can look for people of any age and sex and check out the most active and those who recently logged in. You can also block or add any member as your friend, subscribe to their feed, send them messages and even post on their wall. Of course, you shouldn’t go there expecting to meet the love of your life or make enduring friends. Like this is an anonymous member area and practically no one is who they say they are. So keep your eyes peeled and if a member asks to see your cock, just send them the picture of that shotgun you got beside your bed!

    Now, with 270 pages of sex stories, the Sex Stories page sure does sound like a sweet time waster! Titles here include My Mom Getting Fucked By A Black Guy, Alone At Home, My Name Is Wendy, Forbidden Love, and My First Taste of Cock. Not every story is in English and the quality is extremely variable. Members can comment on stories, add them to their list of favorites and rate them as well.

    Anyway, the Pornstar tab does what it says but is not equipped with XXX star bio pages, and the Photos tab runs to over a thousand pages, most of which are of amateur chicks in their birthday suit. Neither photos nor albums can be downloaded, though buttons are provided for that purpose. And yeah, ratings and comments are supported on all albums. Hundreds of categories are featured on the Category page and these are divided into sections based on sexual orientation, with straight, gay, and trans porn having their categories. That’s anal-retentive but can be useful.

    And we are left with the Live Sex and Videos tabs. The latter does its thing like Joe Average while clicking the Live Sex tab will load a trans cam site. Better not do that if you are tired of seeing chicks with boners thrice your own!

The Fapper’s Prayer

    Did I tell y’all that Nuvid.com’s motto is Time For Porn? Well, for sure them fucks don’t know what they are talking about. Like no one got time for porn. We are too busy making a living to get time for that kind of nonsense. The only period we got time for porn is when Satan gets riled up seeing us building up that mansion in heaven that he starts giving us an erection we gotta oil with Vaseline and pray for with our right hands! Ain’t that so, fellas?

     Now, Nuvid has a good enough update policy, with multiple new stuff on the daily. Videos here don’t really have dates. But there’s info on them indicating how many minutes and days ago they were uploaded. Like for a video submitted three months ago, the date on it will be listed as 90 days or so. That’s odd.

    Anyway, videos, even the newer ones tend to be of very average quality. There’s some HD content and the average video length is around 7 minutes.

    Well, figuring I was due some fapping to big dick videos, I clicked the Big Cock category on this smut palace. But the content in that section was of trans chicks getting freaky. And by the way, I really do need to go the trans route, as that seems to be the only way I can add four extra inches to my woody! Think about it, how many shemales you know that have small penises and how many in comparison have oak tree jackhammer cocks? Yeah, there has to be something about being a trans that gives you a cock you can sit on!

    Oh, dang it! See, when choosing categories from the Category tab, you must choose a category in the right section. Like if you choose Big Tits in the shemale section, you will see big titted trans freak videos, while the same category in the Straight section will show women with boobs the size of Texas and vertical slits down their legs where wet pussies await! So, what happened with the Big Dick thing was that I chose the right kind of category in the wrong kind of section. Be like me and don’t make that kind of mistake!

    So, Big Cock categories in the Straight section of the Category page include titles like Tattooed Busty Femdom, Big Butt Babe Tastes Cum After Taking DP, Three MILF’s Hop On Your Big Dick For An Office Foursome, School Girl Tricked To First Anal Sex By Huge Cock Classmate and Ugly-Faced Amateur Thai Bargirl Fucked. The latter video is from ThaiPornVid and the Thai chick being talked about is plump, moon-faced, tattooed, and busty for a Thai. In this 6-minutes long video, she’s shown lying on a bed and touching herself, before sucking a dick and being fucked doggy style. While she’s not very pretty she’s a very good cock-sucker and bounces on cocks like she’s got a point to prove and a bet to win!

    Videos on Nuvid can be shared, rated, reported, and commented on. Multiple download buttons are provided, but these do not work.

What I Think of Nuvid

    Even if you tried hard not to, you won’t have any difficulty forgetting all about Nuvid within 30 seconds of visiting the site! Sure it is content-crammed, but the site design belongs in a museum and the lack of quality content is deeply felt. In short, here’s a middle finger to Nuvid and someone better tell the site admin I have a pestle he can sit on for a week straight!