MixRetro

MixRetro.com

    Mixretro is for the perverts among us that only jerk their meat to porn videos of their grandmother, great-aunts, and their contemporaries. It’s definitely wild as hell to be turned on by the past if you asked me but it’s not any stranger than dudes that are into videos of Armpit sex.

    My Mixretro.com review is here to show you if this site belongs in the past or if it should be a part of your near future. Since I’ll be exploring more ancient relics than Indiana Jones, I’ll be taking my reward in tight, supple 18-year-old pussies after this.

Cumming Back To The Past!

    I’m more than a little grateful that this site doesn’t open to a homepage that looks like it was created in the 40s. I half-expected to see so much old-fashioned features that would gag the shit out of me. Instead, I can see a modern dark background theme and an attractive homepage that mercifully doesn’t have any ads that would drive us insane at the fastest speed.

    I spoke way too soon. There was an Ad at the bottom of the page that looked like it was for their sister website. I was taken to another site that shows black porn. I left in a hurry so I don’t get infected by the herpes you get when you’re on a site that was discovered through an Ad such as this. Apart from that hiccup, the site is relatively Ad-free.

    If you’re here to watch a short video and wank like you’re The Flash, you’ll be utterly disappointed. This is a porn movie site so you already know most videos here would be long as fuck. The shortest porn video that I have seen so far is about 6 minutes but the rest can go on for even up to 2 hours. So you might wanna bring in some popcorn alongside your lotion when you’re in a wanking session.

    While the site itself doesn’t look old, they can’t hide the age of the videos seeing how the thumbnails feature people that look like they used to roll with President Abraham Lincoln. You can also tell that the videos were shot with the first camera ever made. The thumbnails are looking grainy and for some reason, the ladies of the past loved to get down and dirty in a barnyard.

Vintage Wank For The Vintage Man!

    They have up to 8 language options probably because a lot of their vintage porn videos are foreign. There’s also the option to choose whatever category that you like as well. I couldn’t even count how many categories there were because if I did, then I would lose my hard-earned boner.

    The first video that I clicked on to watch featured a timid 18-year-old Moscow whore and I was already ready to see if it’ll be appetizing to me. Before I even got a bite of it, I was hit with the message; “the video has been removed. Sorry about that”. So I went on a rage-filled rampage of destruction and nothing in my path was spared, including your mom’s pussy.

    It would be wiser for the site’s runners to take away porn videos that have been removed from the homepage so we don’t have to be hit with disappointment when we are trying to beat our meat. The next video I tried to watch was even worse than the last. I came to see a priest sticking his dick out of the confession box for a sinful girl and instead, I was shown a video Ad that didn’t bother showing the porn video after it was done.

    Turns out that the 3rd time was the charm. The video finally loaded and I almost shed a tear from my dick hole because of sheer joy. It seems that if you are on this site it’s the same as gambling. You might get what you want or you might get a bad hand and swear off putting your hands on your meat for a long time. Sometimes the porn videos you click on would even take you to another site that is just a buffet of Ads. It would seem that this site was first tested on prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.

What The Porn Guy Thinks Of Mixretro

    Mixretro as a vintage porn site definitely belongs in the past. It is the definition of raw torture and I was utterly disappointed that I had wasted valuable time that I could have used to be fucking most of y’all’s female relatives for this bull shit. Loading a video is like playing Russian Roulette. The only difference is that blowing your own head is easier compared to trying to watch a video here. It certainly doesn’t get a recommendation from me!