Kaufmich, Kaufmich

Kaufmich Review

~ Pros ~

Very detailed escort profiles

Good looking site

~ Cons ~ 

❌ Site is a bit on the small side, with not many members or escorts

❌ Overall site design and optimization is average at best

❌ No language option

❌ Only available to people in Germany


    The few Germans I know personally look so straitlaced that the thought of them having sex or otherwise getting nude and nasty simply never crops up in my skull. Yeah, imagining a German having sex is about as enticing as dreaming of the pope tugging on his boner and beating it down with a crucifix just before Sunday mass at the Vatican!

    Still, Germans do have sex. They have a lot of sex and their attitude towards sex and nudity is far more liberal and tolerant than you would find across most of the globe. Better keep that in mind as I review a German escort site that goes by the name of Kaufmich.com, with the name for some reason reminding me of cabbage soup!

    Anyway, here’s my Kaufmich.com review. Check it out and get to live long!

Salute To The homepage

    Kaufmich appears to take full pride in the German language, with the default site language being German. There’s no way you can change this to anything else, which means you better learn German fast or ensure that there’s a good translating website open in your other tab.

    Design-wise, Kaufmich looks swell. The background color is a black and floral pattern that could have been taken from a bedroom wallpaper, with the site itself being slightly cramped but easy on the eyes. There’s a login/registration tab over on the far top right of the page, with the top left having options for folks to search for escorts, escort agencies, strip bars, swinger clubs, brothels, and BDSM studios all over Germany.

    Tabs on the top left also include the Escort List, Community, and Magazine tabs. The first of these tabs has a comprehensive list of escorts from just about every German city, the second tab connects you to the site community, and the third permits free access to the site magazine, which has some pretty interesting stuff for you to read about.

    Magazine topics include No Go: Bullying On Kaufmich, My Erotic Story: The Pantyhose Fetish, and Selection Of Customers: Even Escorts Have Claims. More, the magazine seems to be regularly updated with new articles, which is pretty nice.

    A slideshow near the top of the homepage advertises the sites’ services to escorts, escort agencies, and folks who need an escort or want to visit a brothel. Member comments, blogs, and profiles occupy most of the right of the page. The middle section of the homepage has image thumbnails of escorts and there are enough of these to convince a satyr to give up his sinful and immensely hedonistic life and become a Kaufmich member forthwith!

Hot German Escorts

    Did I mention that there are loads of hot German escort profiles in the middle of the Kaufmich homepage. Clicking on any of these brings up more information than your brain matter can reasonably handle! Each profile is very very detailed, with the information contained therein possibly filling a book! On each profile, you can learn about the escort, see what she’s willing, and not willing to do, plus check out her reviews and pictures.

    One of these profiles listed an escort named Melina-Sky, whose blonde hair, very pretty face, and amazingly juice-filled 80D bazungas could easily drive an Arabian prince out of his mind! You can only visit her in her apartment and she’s willing to engage in threesomes, perform blowjobs, get in the 69 position, lick your balls, sit on your face, and more. However, recording her is not allowed, nor will she swallow your cum or fuck you without protection.

    To get in touch with these escorts you can send them private messages and even bookmark their profiles for booking at a later date when you win the lottery. Message sending, bookmarking and more are however exclusive to site members.

What I Think

    Kaufmich.com seems to be the go-to site if you are looking for escorts, escort agencies, brothels, and more in Germany. The site looks good, but lacks language options and could do with better optimization, and registering does not appear to be an option for people living outside Germany. More, there aren’t all that many escorts and I doubt there are enough registered members to fill a small stadium.

   Overall, if you are planning a trip to Germany sometime soon, Kaufmich just might be worth visiting once you arrive at your destination hale and hearty, and with your dick afflicted with an itch only a tight German hole can cure!

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