HdpPlanet

HdpPlanet.com

    Hdpplanet definitely means High Definition Porn Planet, you don’t need a soothsayer on steroids to let you know that. That’s why I am here today with all my BDSM tools to ram into the asses of the site’s creators if I even see one porn video that looks like it was taken with a potato.

    So join me for my hdpplanet.com review if you don’t want me to use those tools on your non-innocent perverted asses. We’ll be seeing if this porn movie site is gonna make us keep our popcorn and industrial-sized lotion close.

On A Rocket To Get Our Rocks Off!

    This site opens with thumbnails that are designed to get you caught if you’re living with your nosy grandmother who was a former nun. Both the thumbnails and the captions are so huge that you can easily guess that the guy running this site has eye issues. I’m not complaining though because if one of my girls caught me watching porn we are gonna be fucking in half a second. I can’t say the same about when your Grandmother catches you.

    The rest of the site is as minimalist as it gets. Their logo is written in a small font and there aren’t any pictures of models holding their tits or ass like you would find on other sites. That is a little boring to me because this site looks like it was meant for people suffering under the hardship of communism. There’s no excitement on the homepage except if I am meant to be getting excited by the thumbnails that also don’t look that exciting.

    I clicked on the menu thinking they’d have options for more excitement. They only have their tags there. They’re arranged from numbers to the letter “Z”. I was more interested in the pictures that they’re covering with all these tags since I can see an Asian chick taking two dicks in a swimming pool. Shit, they could’ve put this on the homepage to get us horny and ready to beat our meat to whatever they present to us.

    They have six languages for you to choose from in case your English is as bad as their homepage is. These are; German, Italian, Russian, and Chinese.

    They have a search icon beside the one for changing languages. If you know me then you already know that I tested that shit by searching for “Big tits” and they managed to deliver some old-looking videos that don’t have a trace of HD in them. I’m already warming up my BDSM tools for the site’s creators from the little I’ve seen.

No Signs Of Life On Hdpplanet!

    Even trying to watch a porn video here is a dull experience. I clicked on the video I wanted and they took me to another page that showed the part for starting the video in miniature size while the suggested videos were huge for some reason. This site has a problem with size and it shows very clearly. It took me a while to figure out how to get the porn video to normal size after lots of attempts.

    The size issue doesn’t happen every time you wanna watch a video but I’ve got a thing about consistency. If I couldn’t fuck my herd of bitches for hours every time we’re in bed then they would probably wouldn’t be as loyal as they are to me.

    The length of the porn videos here vary. They go from 5 minutes to 1 hour long. So it’ll depend on where you’re looking. As for me, I was in the Japanese girls' section looking for some pixelated pussy to wank to. The first video I clicked on was low quality and they spent a good 15 minutes showing her do random activities before the guy entered the scene to come to touch her tits for another 5 minutes like he’s some teenage guy that has never been that close to tits.

    I clicked on another video that showed a thumbnail picture of a young Latina getting a facial. Once again, the video is low quality. Since I am much wiser now, I skipped all the boring shit that this 3-minute porn video starts with and I went straight for the end of the video where she gets splattered with jizz and they fucking cut it off right where she’s about to get the cum. I’m officially done with this site!

What The Porn Guy Thinks Of Hdpplanet

    I am fully convinced that this site was started by one of those anti-pornography and anti-wanking conservatives who are in Congress. The boredom you’ll feel on this site is enough to make you pick up some holy book and devote your entire life to it. There are lots of things that I found wrong about this site like the fact that even with HD in its name, the videos are sometimes low quality, but the sheer boredom I felt here takes the cake. It doesn’t get a recommendation for sure!