EscortBabylon

Escortbabylon.net

    Baby love I know, but where in hell is Babylon? Oh yeah, Wikipedia, that snotty, sour puss and knowledgeable twat tells me it was a city in Iraq. Dunno why the Babylon name is referenced a lot these days in movies, songs, games and fart demos, and I guess it is because of how smoothly it rolls off the tongue or something.

    So, there is a place called Escort Babylon that I wanna check out to the fullest before I go on my weekly fandango dance with a Yeti. Hope y’all are in the right mood for close encounters of the freaky, nasty, and pant-shifting type that will be detailed in this review.
Here is my EscortBabylon.net review. Read it and weep if you don’t want me to take your kissing cousin to Babylon in a car that’s powered by the explosive energy of our frenetic sex acts!

Escort Babylon The Great and Cunty!

    EscortBabylon.net is one of those escort US sites whose names are out there to the fullest. By that, I mean that if booking escorts has long been a standard practice of yours, then you must have heard of this place and probably booked a few chicks on it. The fact that you might not remember is a sure indication that the Escort Babylon chicks you tangled with sucked all your brain matter from your prick and left you with like a third of an ounce of the stuff. And yeah, that’s why you can’t count past two these days and keep trying to stick it into the backside of the local thots who have wet and warm pussies they make an effort to reserve for your exclusive usage!

    Now, for a famous or infamous site, EscortBabylon actually disappoints in the looks department. It looks like shit of the kind that gives off a bitter smell so thick you can almost touch it and lob it from one end of a stadium to the other. I don’t think the visuals here have been updated since 1990 and that’s on Mary had a little lamb back when I was another little lamb with no sexual experience, till she took me to the meadow, sat on my face and bade me bleat like I had a kidney loose!

    And oh, this place looks a lot like Listcrawler, another famously infamous escort site. Both share a lot of options, look dated ASF, and are probably being run by the same 4-eyed freak who I’ve heard likes it when his ladies bake apples in their coochie overnight. How he eats these apples in the morning is what I don’t have the energy to detail, or the enthusiasm to admire!

    But then, I feel that at this point, the very shitty looks of EscortBabylon.net is kind of a trademark. So giving the place a makeover might not sit too well with hardcore fans of this escort’s US site. But fuck them anyway in their blown-out buttholes and fuck their hardcore tag to the fullest!

Babylon We Hail Thee!

    Escort Babylon cannot be described as an options-crammed site. What’s in place is average and that doesn’t sit well with me.

    The homepage is filled with escort profiles that promise heaven and earth and more of these load when you scroll down. These profiles are a bit small and that matters because there are very large spaces at both the left and right part of the screen that could have been utilized to either make escort profiles larger, or cram more of them onto the homepage.

    Main site features include a search bar with basic capabilities at the top and a little below it are options to sort escort US profiles by date, popularity, and currentness. Also found in that location is a Change City option that mirrors what you get on ListCrawler. Such an option lets you switch from the default city you were put in, which at the time of this review was Jacksonville, to any state and city of your choice. Worth noting is that every US state is supported here, as well as Canada, Oceania, and Europe. But the US is by far the main focus and the featured escorts in the US easily outnumber the combined efforts of other locations.

    There are quite a few user options on the right of the EscortBabylon.net homepage and yeah, these mirror what you find on Listcrawler. These options let you check out reviewed escorts, trans escorts, ebony escorts, and that kind of thing and should be familiar to Listcrawler aficionados. There is however nothing like an advanced search here. Thus, apart from looking for escorts within a certain locale and those who have certain physical attributes, you aren’t offered parameters that will get you the precise kind of escort you are looking for and ready to fall in love with. Sure, a hole is a hole and a fuck is a fuck. But nothing beats the feeling of being able to quickly search for, find and fuck the precise kind of escorts you need in your life at the moment, who charge fees that are within your preferred range and wanna spoil you with rad, grabby and pinkish stuff!

    And oh, there are no options to log on this escorts US site. Methinks those kind of options might be reserved for Babylonian citizens or something! Or it could be that site membership is the exclusive preserve of those of us who have girlfriends with booties that have been arching for the sky in our bedrooms at the littlest provocation and been busy playing magic disappearing tricks on woodies! Booties can be dangerous, ya know!

Unlimited Free Fucks At Escort Babylon!

    Now, the thing with Escort Babylon is that it has both escort ads and escort reviews. Yeah, there are reviews on the profile page of just about every chick here and you can freely check out these reviews before you decide to pick up your phone and give an escort a ring that will potentially change her life and undermine the integrity and tight grasp of her cunt!

    In Lexington, a woman named Facials is one of the most popular sluts. She’s 5’3, lives in Louisville, and has a 13-second video on her page. From the video, you could see her boobs and her face and while she’s not a very beautiful woman, she does have very firm tits for her age. There’s no word on the kind of services that Facials offer or her prices, but the comments on her profile mostly praise her skills, with her BBJ expertise being apparently beyond compare. This chick can supposedly suck your soul out of your cock and you wouldn’t even know about it till you stand up to leave for home and discover you are actually standing before the pearly gates and old Saint Peter is wagging his finger at you!

    Reviews of this US escort describe her as looking bigger than seen in the posted video but also having an amazing and very welcoming personality. And yeah, she absolutely loves facials and says thanks when she gets them. Methinks they are part of her beauty routine, or she is just into fellas unloading both barrels of their cannon right on her face without missing!

    And then there’s Monica over in Mohave County, Arizona. She describes herself as sexy, feminine, sweet, curvy, intelligent and fetish-friendly. Via the images on her escort profile page, I can confirm that she’s indeed the curvy and meaty type, and there’s a full set of juicy titties on her that I wanna get slapped with tonight! This 36-year-old is the girl-next-door type, but there is definitely nothing average about her smile, which seems powerful enough to shriven up even the most shameless butthole!

    Two fellas have reviewed Monica and her services. The first said that she is a very horny MILF who looks a lot like her pictures and loves it when you are rough with her. She’s also a pregnant cumming wonder who’s willing to do anal, BJ, pegging, shower play, and more. The second review describes Monica as beautiful, very open-minded, very friendly, safe, and talkative. There’s no mention of a pregnancy, which leads me to believe that the first reviewer got with Monica when she was rather bloated from eating a sack of cornbread and chicken wings or something like that!

    Also in Mohave County, is an escort profile with a title that said Cutie With a Booty. The featured chick was 34 years old, 5’7, and had an ass so mountainous that trying to climb it without proper expedition equipment would be a fool’s errand! She got a pretty face too and has Fuck Police tattooed on the back of both thighs. The sole review of her says she looks like her pictures and delivers standard but not exceptional service. Wouldn’t fuck this bitch, but she does have an ass big enough to hold the world to ransom with!

    So, the escort profile reviews here generally look and sound genuine. Sure, some escorts may hire reviewers, or bribe them with sex to write flattering reviews, but I don’t think that happens a lot. As regards the quality of escorts on this escorts US site, I would assess that as around 6.5/10, or in other words as fair as can be. That means you will find girls here who look like shit, as well as supermodel types you are gonna want to dip in jam and eat from the toes to the head!

    And oh, there does not seem to be anything like verified escorts in this place. That plus the lack of hi-res images in escort profile pages sucks pig ass in crab apple sauce! But I do love the fact that there are generally a lot of images and sometimes a video or two on escort profile pages. My grouse lies in the lack of quality, with posted images often looking like they were taken on a phone with a very basic 2-megapixel camera. And that shit makes no sense. Not in 2024.

What ThePornGuy Thinks of EscortBabylon

    I love the site name and history. But recommending this place makes about as much sense as recommending the Blackberry Passport to y’all!

    Yeah, while it has some very useful escort reviews, and can be an amazing and entertaining place, I think that Escort Babylon’s time has passed and it should sit the fuck down and let the newfangled, colorful and more creatively designed escort sites popping into being these days with increasing regularly take over.