Eporner Massage

Eporner/Massage

   Eporner is okay. I mean, it is like boning your wife after 20 years of marriage when all feelings have been lost and the only thing you are grateful for is having a free pussy to bang all night! I wouldn’t put Eporner anywhere near my top 20 porn site list, and it is a site that I visit as often as I get vasectomies!

    Anyway, this review focuses on Eporner’s massage porn section. There’s very nearly 50K massage XXX videos on the site and they make you wish you had a fat booty babe who lives nearby, has some aromatic oil, and is willing to let you come over for a massage that will end in your spreading her ass cheeks and damaging her asshole with your spear of a dick! Here’s my Eporner massage review and it’s booty sweet!

Get That Pussy Talking!

    After watching a few videos on the Eporner massage section, all I can say is that the best way to get a babe hollering is to be a good masseur and take the welfare of your clients so seriously that they have to be carted home in wheelbarrows once your oak tree woody is done doing its business! Yes, it seems like male masseuses are all getting the hottest chicks, putting their oiled hands on their curves and valleys, fingering and banging them from one table to another, and still expect to get paid for the whole thing. That’s outrageous!

    Now, the Eporner massage section is not exactly a thing of beauty. It is simply too crowded with video thumbnails and options and does not have the slick and stylish look of most other sites. It looks too average, almost like it was frozen in time since at least a decade ago.

    It might be just me, but I love it when a site has that classy minimalist look, and there’s no attempt to cram everything possible on all pages, while video thumbnails are slightly separated from each other and big enough that you don’t need to squint to read their titles. Needless to say, Eporner does not meet my definition of beauty and if it was a chick I would prefer to drill it in the doggy style position, so I won’t have to look at its ugly face when banging it to hell and back!

    There are sorting options for this XXX site atop the page, with massage XXX specific filtering options consisting of Most Recent, Weekly Top, Monthly Top, Most Viewed, Top Rated, and Longest. Among the Eporner user options that you might find useful is one that lets you choose from a total of 8 languages, plus a member-only Upload button and Login/Register tabs.

    At the very top of the massage XXX video section is a brief description of what massage XXX is all about and there is more of this at the bottom of the page, while the far left has a long and vertical list of XXX genres and the number of videos each contains. Also in that locale is an option that lets you select from all massage XXX videos, or just amateur and professional ones. That’s great, but amateur content quality can be as low as 240p and that’s bad enough to make you blind for the week!

    The bottom of the Massage porn section here has the usual FAQ, Contact Us, Parental Control, and Terms of Use links, plus links to the site’s Twitter page and the homepage of that nutty PornDude fella who has incidentally gobbled enough cocks in his lifetime to damage his vocal cords, or so I have heard! Poor cock-gobbling guy!

    So, if you wanna read about sex, technology, video games, pornstar, interesting facts, and politics, there’s an Eporner Blog link at the bottom of the massage porn page, with titles like Evolutionary Reasons Women Have Orgasm, Second Jobs Of Pornstars, Pornstars In Politics, and Top Ukrainian pornstars. There are 16 pages of blogs available, with almost 10 new content per month. That’s great!

Masseur Fuck Massively Bangs!

    Just like on almost every porn site, the masseur action here is for the most part performed by professional actors and pornstars. There isn’t much amateur action and that could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Anyway, massage porn is something of a misnomer, since the pornstars in most shoots are more interested in getting fingered, sucked, and fucked than they are in being massaged, but then no one is surprised by something like this.

    Now, like I previously said, sorting options in the massage porn section consist of Most Recent, Weekly Top, Monthly Top, Most Viewed, Top Rated, and Longest. That’s very average and more extensive user options should have been provided, like one that will let you filter trans and gay massage porn from the almost 50K videos on the site. And oh, videos all lack dates. And I don’t tell you what that means, do I?

    Anyway, video image thumbnails on Eporner Massage are rectangular, average-sized, and feature a title, run time, content quality details, rating, the number of accumulated views, and the name of the card-carrying Eporner member that uploaded that specific porn video. Most videos exceed 14 minutes and that’s better than the average. And should you want the longest videos so that you can embark on the longest wanking journey of your life, the Longest sorting option stands ready to lend its muscles for the task at hand!

    Eporner massage XXX videos usually max out at 720p. Sure, there are full HD videos, but not many of these. Videos can be rated and commented on but only by members.

    One-click downloads are available to all though, and playback options allow choosing content quality, and speed. You can also rate and share videos without being signed in, use a collection of screenshots to select the scene you want to watch, and check out the statistics of each video, that is, its popularity over the years. Expect zero playback issues.

    Sample titles from the top-rated category include Fantastic Girl Banged By Masseuse, Massage Session Turns Into Threesome Sex, Masseuse Has Sensual Sex With Lovely Girl, Masseuse Loves Hardcore Sex, Busty Chick Performed Amazing Massage, and MILF Filled With Sperm By Black Rod. I went with a Sex With Oiled Babe video. It has Billie Star in the lead and if you know the chick I am talking about, then you must be aware of how ultra-fine and fuckable she is! In the 28 minutes video, she gets an oil massage, is fingered, and makes a fateful decision to pick her teeth with the cock of her masseuse. The guy then eats and fucks her and is not very gentle about it either!

What I Think Of Eporner Massage

    The site looks uninspiring, its content is mostly of average quality and the content update frequency is shrouded in mystery. Eporner massage is simply too fucked up to recommend at the moment. But I might change my mind if the site puts on some makeup, adds more user options, and starts slapping dates on videos.