AnyPorn Massage

AnyPorn Massage

Anyporn is solid if unpretentious. They have a range of smut that’s fit for any occasion and use you care to name, but would have to bribe me with the overnight marinated coochie of chicks like Skin Diamond or Karmen Bella to make it to any top 40 porn site list that has my name on it!

So, the task today is to review the Anyporn XXX massage page. Unfortunately, this is a rather neglected genre in the Anyporn smut collection and that ticks me off more than getting my schlong bitten by perky behind sluts who can take a BBC standing up and not require wheelchair usage after! Here’s my Anyporn XXX Massage review. Read and digest it anyhow you see fit!

Any Porn For Any Dick!

    Well, it just so happens that on some days when I am so horny I could fuck my wall or the bathroom sink, I can fap to just about any XXX content without worrying about its quality. On other days though, I could spend hours on Twitter, XNXX, or XVideos searching for a specific kind of porn, all while my long-suffering cock tries its best to remain erect. So, I think AnyPorn.com was named after the first scenario and good luck with it!

Now, Anyporn has a simple and boring setup. The default background color is black, with no Light Mode in place. That’s a definite minus. But the pink and blue site logo at the top left of the page, plus video image thumbnails and a few pink tabs help give the scene a little bit of color. Still, this is not the kind of page setup that anyone but a mortician would love and it needs an upgrade of the kind that would make me high-five the fat booty of my housekeeper!

Site options consist of sign-up and login tabs, plus a language option at the top right, and yeah, English is the default language. As for the massage XXX videos, you can sort them via Recommended, Latest, Most Viewed, and Most Rated links, as well as by HD or All. Those are wack selections though and I would give Anyporn Massage a 3 out of 10 where user options and site features are concerned.

And then we come to the biggest issue here and that is the number of massage porn on this site. Anyporn Massage has less than 7K videos. When I first saw this number, I thought I might be going blind and have an urgent need for new glasses. I also figured I might have to start buying carrots by the ton, but my missus likes to stick long and straight vegetables and fruits up her body and that has made carrots and the like unappetizing for me!

All 6,879 massage XXX videos on Anyporn are on 197 pages and browsing from page to page is easy enough. But, I am almost sure that there are big XXX sites out there that add more than 6K massage XXX to their collection each month or so. I have no idea why Anyporn has so little massage XXX content. I guess perhaps the site admin needs to be subjected to weeks of Nuru massages to make him/her see what an XXX massage is all about and the need to get massage content added with a horny will to the Anyporn collection or something!

Anyporn On Fleek!

    Video thumbnails on Anyporn massage are the square type and yeah, they lack that glossy look I love so much. These thumbnails are fully capable of being previewed and the title, rating, and runtime are all indicated. Anyporn could have made these thumbnails larger and pasted less of them on the massage XXX page. That would have been a classy move that would have made pages look a little less crowded.

Now, updates here are disappointing and that’s putting it mildly. Sure, almost daily uploads are a thing on Anyporn Massage, but 1-to 3 content uploads each day or so seems to be the rule. That’s as shocking as seeing the teen Girl Scout you used to give candy on Halloween shaking her ass on OnlyFans and shoving a dildo that looks as long as your leg up to her tender little cunt!

There are also weeks when there are zero updates or less than 5 updates in the massage section. All I can say is that someone needs to tie up and do their best to tickle the Anyporn admin half to death! If that fails to motivate the person into doing his/her job, then more extreme measures might be needed! And by the way, videos are short on average, with most less than 10 minutes.

Sample videos titles in the Recommended category include the following: Huge Tits On Natasha Nice Gets Oiled and Her Ass Fucked, Curvy Oiled Up Asian MILF Fucked Hard By Her Masseur, Hot Brunette Gets Fingered And Fucked By Masseur, Massage Leads To Rough Fucking With Slutty Asian, and Chubby Babe With The Black Hair Gets More Than Just A Massage. The latter video is 7:59 minutes long and was uploaded 5 years ago.

The video is from Brazzers and is as hardcore as a motherly fuck on the church pew! It opens with a big booty and big titty babe playing outdoors, before getting on a massage table. The masseur plays with her booty and soon she was gobbling his cock, while her udders jiggled with glee! He then ate her cunt while fondling himself and fucked her in all styles but the Asian Crane Chops Sweet Grasshopper style!

I checked out another video and this one was from PornPros. The title is Astonishing Brunette And Her Blond Friend Share Cock In Threesome. This 8 minutes long and 6-year-old video opens with a blonde chick on a massage table being attended to by a nude masseur. After a while, a well-hung fella joins the two and they all take turns eating and fucking each other.

As ThePornGuy and a rather horny swamp alligator, you can be sure that I  checked out many videos on Anyporn massage, and not once was playback issues experienced. Playback options are limited though and one lets you select the playback speed, while the other allows adjustment of video quality. The video quality here is stated as LQ and HQ, for low quality and high quality respectively and I would say the first is around 360p, while the HQ one is around 720p.

What I Think Of Anyporn Massage

Ever eaten a tasteless but filling meal that forced the aching hole in your belly to take a hike? That’s what Anyporn Massage does. Visiting the site only makes sense when you have an urgent massage XXX wanking need and Anyporn massage is the only porn site you can recall. If that is not the case though, you owe it to your right hand not to waste Vaseline and time on this site!