XmoviX

XmoviX.net

    When you’re getting on a Russian porn site like xmovix.net, you’re probably gonna need to cover your camera, hide all your personal information, and put on a condom for your protection in case this site is secretly run by Putin while he’s on his toilet seat.

    So without further ado, I’m here to present my Xmovix review. If you don’t like it then I’m just gonna have to borrow a leaf from Putin’s book and make you disappear. So, stick around as your life depends on it!

Wanking Sovietly To Xmovix!

    If you’re wondering how I knew that this is a Russian site, it wasn’t hard to miss thanks to the captions all written in Russian, and of course, the huge Flag of Russia that was put right beside the menu option. I already know what this means, it simply means I’m gonna have to be auto-translating each page as I am reviewing the site. This is gonna be torture worthy of the KGB.

    Once I got to the homepage and I could see the thumbnails, I had to go back and check if I had stumbled upon a vintage porn site. The porn actors and actresses they are showing me all look like they would be shooting dust out of their privates if they are still getting laid in the present day. I can see a porn parody of Conan the Barbarian and the quality of the thumbnail picture makes it seem like it was shot sometime around the medieval ages.

    After a deeper search with more care, I could see that most of the porn videos here are movie parodies. You don’t want to see what they have Dora the explorer doing in Russia, or maybe you do? Whatever, let’s just say that she’s exploring more dick holes than the jungle. Their parody version of Wonder Woman should be a crime scene seeing how it’s a wonder that she can walk straight while holding a whip.

    Overall, there’s that air of being on a foreign site when you’re here. Their tastes in smut are as questionable as when you’re offered bread and salt as their Russian traditional guest food of choice.
At the bottom of their homepage they they have the following sections; New items, Movies, Top 100, and Total videos. I can see that they have up to 7653 videos uploaded so far. That’s not so bad or amazing either.

With Love, From Mother Russia!

    You’re allowed to add videos that make your balls happy to a collection that you can revisit when you need another wank.
That is useful but you know what is more useful? Having a download option so we don’t have to go through the stress of using duct tape every time we are here for a wank. Who knows, every time you’re fapping, the guys running this site would record and upload it to another site and caption it “Watch Woeful Western Wanker Wanking”.

    They have 9 countries where they display porn from. These are; Italy, Germany, Sweden, Spain, Russia, USA, France, Brazil, and Europe. For people that really hate the living shit out of Western people, they sure like to beat their red meat to Western smut. I clicked on the USA section to see if the videos there were of Male Russians fucking the shit out of sex dolls that are dressed in the colors of the USA. Sadly, it was just some more regular low-quality vintage porn videos.

    I finally found a video that looked like it was made in the modern era so I put my lotion closer to me. I should’ve put my Glock closer to me instead because as soon as I tried to watch the video, some pop-up ads showed up from nowhere as if they are sleeper agents waiting for the right moment to fuck up my fap. If they showed these bullshit Ads from the homepage I would have prepared myself and gotten ready to do some shooting.

    Trying to watch the video was a hard mission that I also wasn’t prepared for. Anytime I clicked on the porn video to play, I was taken to another page showing me Ads. I had to click that shit about 6 times before it finally showed me what I wanted. With all the rage I was feeling because of this long annoying process, I couldn’t even get fully hard to the porn video so I was only half hard at 6 inches.

What The Porn Guy Thinks Of Xmovix

    Russian sites are usually about as trustworthy as a chick scratching her pussy and inviting you to come fuck her without any condoms on. Xmovix is definitely scratching its pussy and inviting us into it. The only difference is that you might come out of it with more STDs than the slut. They have a bunch of content that would only appeal to wankers that have a thing for old-school porn videos. So while it might not get a recommendation from me, you parody porn-loving fuckers can check it out yourselves.