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VintageCuties Review

~ Pros ~

Overload of vintage porn

The site is easy to navigate

The membership plans aren’t overpriced

~ Cons ~

❌ Ugly homepage design


    If you’re a man that cannot seem to get his dick up because modern women don’t excite you anymore and you would rather watch vintage women with their large carpets for pubic hair, then my Vintagecuties.com review would be your guiding light to finding out if this is where you want to unleash your pent-up nuts to.

    If you aren’t too busy fingering your own assholes I fully expect to see you at the end of this review with your attention still intact or I’m gonna find you and I will fuck you.

Wacking It On Vintagecuties!

    If you’re still confused about the kind of smut you can expect to see on this site even with a name like that then I am gonna break it down simply for you. On this site, when the porn actresses and actors were fucking back then, your favorite modern porn actresses like Abella Danger, Sophia Leone, and the others were all swimming in their dad’s nut sacks. So if this is what you’re into then we’ll be seeing if the site is worthy of several faps.

    I got to the homepage of the site and I was a little scared for a second thinking I’m on some horror movie site or some shit. I would normally praise sites that come in a dark background theme but this one has bright orange that cancels out the darkness. As if that isn’t bad enough, I’m seeing porn movies that are shot in black and white. I knew it was vintage but damn I did not expect them to be showing ancient people fucking.

    The site claims in bold fonts to have porn movies from 1850-1990 and I didn’t even know that there were video cameras back in 1850. I’m not sure that I will like to see a porn movie made in 1850, I love my audience a lot but I honestly don’t love y’all enough to subject my eyes to smut that was created in a time close to the American Civil War even if y’all were gonna bribe me with a thousand virgins.

    Even though I’m not too keen on seeing ancient smut, I couldn’t shield my eyes from the thumbnails that remind me of Charlie Chaplin’s silent movies. The dicks here look extra tiny and the women all look like they should be milking cows and living in the kitchen. I am pretty sure that these videos were taken for their viewing pleasure and meant to be handed down from generation to generation of pure perverts in their families.

Swimming Deeper In Ancient Smut!

    I skipped checking out the black-and-white porn videos so I don’t end up seeing them in my nightmares, so I went for a vintage video with modern vibes. I can see some college girls with titties that I wanna motorboat and there is Color so I can get hard to their pink nipples without having to use my imagination. The video wasn’t bad even though they spent an ungodly amount of time doing random shit before any real action happened.

    I went to find how to join the site and I found it but before I could register I was shown a countdown for some special offer that they have on a time limit. There was only 1 day remaining and I hate to be pressured into shit so I looked away from there. Looking below I can see their membership plan prices but before I start listing them I would rather tell you what they have to offer if you’re ready to spray your golden shower on them.

    You’ll be able to gain full access to 190,000+ vintage photos, 1,300+ retro porn videos, 1,500+adult magazines, 780+ classic pornstars, daily content updates, authentic 1850- 1990 porn, All device compatibility, Free bonus websites, and a redesigned members area. With all that they offer, it’ll be like Disneyland for perverts who want to wack their meat to truly ancient smut.

    They claim that there are no hidden charges and you can cancel your membership subscription plan anytime but you always gotta take that info with a pinch of salt. If you want access for 1 week, you’ll need to pay $19.95. You can also get 30 days plus 7 days free for $0.94 a day, if you’re a more committed wanker, then they offer a lifetime membership plan for $229.95 that would be paid only once.

What The Porn Guy Thinks Of Vintagecuties

    I’m not even gonna pretend to be a huge lover of ancient smut and I think the dudes that are into them should come together and build a time machine so they can go back to the past if they’re really into it that much. Vintagecuties wasn’t kidding about having smut from 1850, they also have more modern shit that has Color too. I saw no Ads and there was a massive load of content so I see no reason you shouldn’t visit this site if vintage porn is right up your alley.

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