Thumbzilla Massage

Thumbzilla/Massage

    What do you consider erotic about the Thumbzilla moniker? Zero, right? So, how it came to be the name of a porn site perpetually has me befuddled. But then I got better things to do with my time than think up more erotic alternatives to Thumbzilla and all I can say is that the site owner has to be one of those wankers with a thumb stuck up his ass on a normal and that’s why he’s so obsessed with digits and stuff.

    So, I intend to review the Thumbzilla massage section today and might be booking a happy ending massage from my slut of the month later this week. Here’s my Thumbzilla massage review and try not to accidentally sit on your thumb while reading it!

Get That Thumb In And Make A Slit Beg!

     Back in the day, my favorite sport was convincing my schoolmates to go with me to the toilet or behind the bleachers, and there I would do things to them with my fingers and cock that I blush to remember. They in turn would do things to me with their sweet and pert mouths and inquire of my love for them once I was deep enough inside them to feel their ovaries kissing the mouth of my dick! Those were innocent times, with lotsa virgin pussies seeing hell at my hand and pussies still haven’t escaped seeing hell at my hands!

    Now, I gotta say that I love how clean Thumbzilla looks. It sure does not look like the typical pornsite and this is rather refreshing. Of course, I am not saying that this site looks so unlike most other porn sites that you can check it out at work and not get fired for wanking on company time. But it does look swell, boasting a gray background, plus black and light green headers at the top and bottom of the page.

    Featured content thumbnails are slightly bigger than average and arranged three a row. That helps the massage section look as peachy as the sight of the hottest chick on the block knocking on your door bearing a pie baked on a wood stove and a pussy that’s been marinating all night and has some sweet liquid it wanna dump on one lucky devil!

    Anyway, there are 75,022 massage videos at present on Thumbzilla massage. That makes me kinda suspicious since almost every big name pornsite seems to have around the same number of massage videos. Like how is that even possible? Are they all collaborating to have the same number of videos or not? There might be some conspiracy afoot here fellas and I am sure the CIA and Scarlit Scandal are behind it!

    As on other sites, the massage XXX here is professionally focused and you gotta look hard to find amateur content. Sorting options are provided by a bevy of tags atop the massage videos page and these are housed in a light green header. Featured tags include the likes of Spa, Happy Ending, Oil, Educational, Relax, and Nuru. And right below the tag header are options that let you eyeball all content or just HD ones and get your body system exposed to the most relevant, recent, viewed, and longest videos, as well as top videos.

    A search bar is available too, and this is one of those basic ones you can’t do much with even if you tried hard enough to get veins throbbing on your forehead!

Go Ye Forth And Dick Massage!

    Videos on Thumbzilla massage are 13 minutes long on average. That’s not too good, but not too bad either. That said, the most recent titles tend to be the shortest and that is not because people are having fewer erotic massages and freaking out over the happy endings that inevitably follow!

    Content thumbnails here look sleek and have preview features. Their title, rating, accumulated views, quality, and an image search feature are also provided. The latter feature lets you search for bags, clothes, and stuff featured in videos, though exactly why someone would want to wear something a pornstar wore in a video is something I am having difficulty understanding. Maybe I am just being old-fashioned!

    For some reason, dates are not provided. I thought at first that they were simply not listed on the content thumbnails, but it turns out that they are simply not provided anywhere. That means I really can’t testify as to the content update frequency on Thumbzilla massage. And by the way, not pasting upload dates on content is shady as hell.

    Sample content titles include Testing New Sofa With Strong Orgasm, Massage Rooms Sensual Oil Drenched Sex With Sexy Black UK Babe Asia Rae, Big Ass MILF Didn’t Expect Deep Hard Anal Sex After Erotic Massage, and Massage Rooms Oil Drenched Latina Babes Canela Skin and Jade Presley Sensual Lesbian Sex. In case you noticed, titles here tend to be longer than authentic Burmese pythons in the Florida everglades and they might have been composed by an English professor with brain damage!

    Now, do you know a goddess by the name of Demi Sutra? One of her videos is on the Thumbzilla homepage and the title is 18yo Demi Sutra Is Craving Step Daddy’s Dick. Well, that’s one interesting title, and you can be sure that Demi Sutra always gets what she craves and does witch stuff to boners using her pussy muscles that no male brain is equipped to deal with!

    In the 10 minutes long stepdaddy video which is from Nuru Massage, Demi Sutra argues with her stepdad while dressed in lingerie, before the two strip and step into a shower. There, she sucks his dick and later gets fucked on a bed while her back and derriere are massaged. Her arch game sure is rad!

    So, videos load without issues and play automatically. Playback options are limited to watching videos in full screen, plus selecting content quality and speed. Videos all have tags and categories and usually, the quality maxes out at HD or full HD.

What I Think Of Thumbzilla Massage

    If your focus is on quality videos of short length, then Thumbzilla massage will serve. Should you need more I am afraid this site will disappoint.

    That said, I do like Thumbzilla massage for its great collection of pornstar XXX Massage porn of eye-popping clarity and it is just good enough to be worth a recommend from yours truly.