SumoSearch

SumoSear.ch

    Was kinda disappointed not to see masses of obese fuckers on this site who are dressed in lingerie, and posing like they have an ache in the pants that only a BBC in a furiously thrusting and grinding mood can soothe! That’s right, Sumo Sear.ch is not a gay porn site catering to horny sumo wrestlers who waddle from the food tray straight to the bedroom where a line of horny fellas and sluts are waiting to feast on some blubber. It is instead a kind of Google search engine where you can search for escorts of all sex, and doms who want to sit on your face and fart up your nose, plus massage therapists who dream of having your slicked penis in their hands and flogging you to death with that slippery snake that has a habit of crawling into holes it shouldn’t!

    Here’s my SumoSear.ch review. Here’s to hoping that it gets you searching for more Vaseline and virgin slit images!

Search For New Cunts The Sumo Sucking Way!

    SumoSear.ch is simplicity itself. The design is both stark and minimalist, with a background of pure white. Look at it with one eye closed and you could almost swear that you are looking at the Google.com homepage from around 10 years ago! That’s so dope, but only if a severe lack of eye-candy graphics and sites that get you feeling all nostalgic are your thing. Hell, if you get on this site by accident, the lack of almost any details on the homepage might get you hollerin’ something about the internet being down and your needing to call up a service provider and perform a dedicated ass-reaming on that fellow that will motivate him to speedily fix your connectivity issues!

    Everything here is clearly labeled and idiot-proof enough for a 1-year-old to figure out in a minute how it all works. There are no login or register options and to begin, you just click a pull-down menu at the top left that’s just beneath the site logo and choose the particular US city you want to explore. Yeah, US cities are the only fuckers supported here, other countries be damned to hell, damnation, and Dalmatians! Don’t wanna search for stuff in US cities? Then get your ass attached to a catapult and we will happily help shoot you off this planet!

    Anyway, as I was saying, activating the pull-down menu and choosing from the cities in place will bring up a selection of options that lets you choose from male, female, and trans escorts, as well as doms and masseurs. Once you are done choosing your poison from these options, you will then be taken to a new page on which there are enough escort ads from sites like SkipTheGames and MegaPersonals to make a sumo wrestler quit his sport and dedicate himself to trimming down the fat so he can last longer in bed and give escorts new reasons the bowlegged walk is to their benefit!

    That’s all? Not by a long shot! You can also input phone numbers in a search bar at the bottom of the Sumo Search homepage and see which escorts they belong to. That kind of number searching thing is actually what SumoSear.ch cites as their main business, but it is kinda hard to believe.

    But let’s say a hottie gave you her number at the club or on the street and you think she freelances on the side as a hooker or escort, you can input that number in the Sumo Search options and hope that her escort profile pops up. If it does, you might get a lot of free sex by threatening the chick with exposure, since her family probably doesn’t know she spreads her legs and gets her cunt speared for a living. Or you can just chill out and book the girl for a proper fuckathon, as the rest of us normal boys are wont to!

    And oh, links to the site terms and conditions, FAQ, and contact are cited at the bottom right of all pages. That’s in case you want to send an email to the Sumo Search site admin, that might give him/her explosive diarrhea. Or in case you need more detailed education about how the site works and exactly how much escorts make on the daily by letting strangers fuck them funny, badly, radly and madly!

Sumo Search Super Sluts!

    Well, I didn’t use the number search feature on SumoSear.ch a lot. I did enter my phone number to make sure it wasn’t listed on the site by mistake! Yeah, I got some crazy fans who can do crazy stuff like that and I ain’t about to forget that!

    Anyway, if your phone number is on the site and you ain’t happy about it one bit, you can contact the site admins and let them know how important it is that your number be delisted. You can threaten fire and brimstone if the admin proves stubborn or gives you an attitude. But don’t be too upset if they ask you to fork over a small amount to help give them the energy needed to delete your number from their site.

    For this review, I checked out escorts in varied US cities, among which was Washington DC. I have no comment on if I choose that location on the dumb chance that members of Congress or the House of Representatives might be moonlighting as escorts and have escort profiles I can check out and hopefully bleed cum out of!

    Escort profiles on Sumo Search have phone numbers, locations, and dates. There’s no title, but to make up for that, quite a bit of the ladies here have big booties. And when I say big, I mean the kind you have to cup with both hands and love to playfully punch just so that you can see them shake and jiggle with a will! And they mostly look natural too, but it is hard to be sure these days, with so many plastic surgeons acquiring inhuman skills on the daily.

    When you click on any escort profile here, you can more easily access photo galleries, which contain low to medium-resolution selfies and thirst traps, as well as nudes. Within each profile is a link that leads to yet more images, plus a bio section where the escort describes herself in her own words and tells you what to expect when you take yourself and your long cock to her apartment!

    Take Hazel Eyes for instance. She’s a big booty and big-bodied ebony who calls Grand Rapids, Michigan home and says she wants to sit on y’all faces and will happily spread her legs wide for whatever cocky revolution you wanna punish her slit with! Hazel is 30 years old and from her photos, you can see she has quite a wide slit and can fuck your fist to the elbow at least if it comes to that! Better forget trying to fuck this bitch with your anaconda, because that looks like it’s gonna be a bad fit. Use your head instead and tear up that big punani of hers!

    Myrtle Beach, SC is home to Isabella. This lass is 24 and she has a booty that’s nice enough, as well as a pretty face. Her tits are however those of a grandma and she has the looks of a crack addict. Dunno if getting with a chick like this will either get you killed or fucked till you drop and gotta flop into the glop on the far side of town, but it looks like a risk worth taking! But only if you are a crazy fella with nothing to lose!

    And over in the Bronx is Princess. Her OnlyFans and Twitter links are right there on her profile page and this leggy trans beauty has a nice rack, a great-looking butt, and a cock that has to be like 6 inches hard. Sure that doesn’t seem like much. But 6 inches is gonna feel like 6 inches too many when all of that inches are so deep in your asshole you can feel it throbbing next to your liver! Get with this bitch for some princess treatment that gets you a torn asshole your doctor is gonna have a fun time repairing!

    Do look out for some spam on SumoSear.ch, and the range of site features here is less than stellar, as y’all must have noticed by now. Plus for some reason, there are female escort profiles in the male section and vice versa, as well as ads with obviously fake images. That’s like finding a grenade in your favorite piece of pussy with your name on it! So, be careful on SumoSear.ch, because the escort you are hiring might not be who she/he says she/he is or might have an erection where a moist and gleefully-marinating slit is supposed to be!

Sumo Search Like It Is Your Birthday!

    Okay, fellas, it is time to talk about whether the escorts that Sumo Search makes available for your perusal and possible booking are worth it or not. Not that it matters a great deal because as far as I know, the best escorts do not have an extra fur-lined hole they can one-up their lower-ranked peers with!

    Anyway, Sumo Search is a directory and the escorts it has available from other sites are average in the main. Girl-next-door types predominate and they look pretty enough and horny enough for most things. There are however no kind of readily accessible reviews and thus no way of knowing which escort is who she says she is and has the skills she says she has. So, if you are visiting this place or plan on making it your temporary or permanent abode, try to exercise some common sense by not sending money to an escort till you have met up with her and she/he is a full match for the images posted.

What ThePornGuy Thinks Of Sumo Search

    Sumo Search is the kind of site that might make you horny if you have a thing for sumo wrestlers in a naughty mood! Seriously though, while this escort US site is lacking in a lot of areas, it is one tight and finger fucking mother fucker that has loads of escorts who need their holes filled soonest and are not very particular about the tool that’s gonna be doing the filling!

    So, better traipse over Sumo Search today y’all and do what has to be done to escort pussy/bootyhole fine and wet, or wrinkly and sweaty!