~ Pros ~
Clean and sweet site design
Free & easy to use
Huge number of escorts
~ Cons ~
❌ Profiles not verified
❌ Trashy site features
❌ Tons of fake profiles
❌ No advanced search
Was kinda disappointed not to see masses of obese fuckers on this site who are dressed in lingerie, and posing like they have an ache in the pants that only a BBC can soothe!
That’s right, SumoSear.ch is not a gay porn site catering to horny sumo wrestlers. It is instead a kind of Google search engine where you can search for escorts of all sex, and doms who want to sit on your face and fart up your nose, plus massage therapists who dream of having your slicked penis in their hands and flogging you to death with that snake!
Here’s my SumoSear.ch review. Let it get you searching for more Vaseline!
Search For New Cunts Here!
Look, no matter what you read and what your peeps might tell you, not all cunts are the same. That is why fucking a sweet celeb feels different from fucking the local thot whose pussy has gone through so much it looks like it fought World War II all by itself and lost every battle in the book!
Now, SumoSear.ch is simplicity itself. The design is both stark and minimalistic, with a background of pure white. Look at it with one eye closed and you could almost swear that you are looking at the Google.com homepage from around 10 years ago! That's so dope.
Everything here is clearly labeled and idiot-proof enough for a 1-year old to figure out in a minute how it all works. To begin, you just click a pull-down menu and choose the particular US city you want to explore, and then from the small list below you click on options for male, female, and trans escorts, as well as doms and masseurs. Yeah, just click on the city you are interested in, plus the sex and capabilities of the escorts you are interested in, and a new screen will load that’s filled with the profiles and image thumbnails of these escorts, with these being taken from the duo of Megapersonals and SkipTheGames.
That all? Not by a long shot! You can also input phone numbers in a search bar on the bottom of the homepage and see which escorts they belong to. That is actually what SumoSear.ch cites as their main business, but it is kinda hard to believe.
Let's say a hottie gave you her number and you think she freelances on the side as a hooker or escort, you can input that number in the search bar and hope that her escort profile pops up. If it does, you might get a lot of free sex by threatening the chick with exposure, since her family probably doesn't know she spreads her legs and gets her cunt speared for a living. Or you can just chill out and book the girl for a proper fuckathon, as the rest of us normal boys are wont to!
And oh, links to the site terms and conditions, FAQ, and contact are sited at the bottom right of all pages. That’s in case you want to send an email to the site admin that might give him/her explosive diarrhea, or need more detailed education about how the site works.
Well, I didn’t use the number search feature on SumoSear.ch a lot. I did enter my phone number to make sure it wasn’t listed on the site by mistake and has my name and picture in the male escort category! Yeah, I got some crazy fans who can do crazy stuff like that and I ain't about to forget that!
Anyway, if your phone number is on the site, you can contact the site admins and let them know how important it is that your number be delisted. You can threaten fire and brimstone if the admin proves stubborn or gives you attitude.
For this review, I checked out escorts in varied US cities, among which was Washington DC. No comment on if I choose that location on the dumb chance that members of congress or house of representatives might be moonlighting as escorts and have escort profiles I can check out and hopefully bleed cum out of!
Profiles here have a phone number, location, and date. There’s no title, but to make up for that, quite a bit of the ladies here have big booties. And when I say big, I mean the kind you have to cup with both hands and love to playfully punch just so that you can see them shake and jiggle with a will!
When you click on any escort profile here, you can more easily access their photo galleries, which contain low to medium resolution selfies and thirst traps, as well as nudes. Within each profile is a link that leads to yet more images, plus a bio section where the escort describes herself in her own words and tells you what to expect when you take your and your long cock to her apartment!
Look out for some spam on SumoSear.ch, and the range of site features here is less than stellar. Plus for some reason, there are female escort profiles in the male section and vice versa, as well as ads with obviously fake images. That’s like finding a grenade in your favorite piece of pussy with your name on it! So, be careful on SumoSear.ch because the escort you are hiring might not be who she/he says she/he is, or might have an erection where a moist and gleefully-marinating slit is supposed to be!
What I Think of SumoSearch
SumoSear.ch is the kind of site that might make you horny if you have a thing for sumos in a naughty mood! Seriously though, it is one tight mother and most of its escorts need their holes filled soonest. So you better traipse over there and do what has to be done!
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