NHentaiHaven

NHentaiHaven.com

    I covered Hentai Haven a while back. And now we have its frigging cousin- Nhentai Haven. The two fuckers look and feel different though, so I don’t think they are owned by the same crusty dick fella who’s been busing raking in money from both sites and using the moolah to order spicy escort snatch over in the far east!

    Anyway, here is my Nhentaihaven.com review. Read it and weep and I guarantee you will get to heaven quicker and return nastier!

This Heaven Bores Like Mad!

    Dunno where Nhentai Haven got their version/vision of haven/heaven from, but I can guarantee it is boring ASF! This place has a very standard design, with white as the background and some blue headers at the top. Scroll down and near the bottom of the homepage are some of the latest search terms like loli, hentai porn, 3D porn, and free hentai porn and there’s a Contact Us link in that location for those of you who are feeling all lonely and need a hentai site admin to get chummy with. And by the way, all the search terms at the bottom of the homepage are repeated at the top of the page.

    Nhentaihaven.com has a homepage that’s filled with rows of the newest releases. There are 6 rows of these, plus a Load More option that will load up more of the same when needed. However, the content thumbnails here lack titles, runtimes, ratings, and that kind of stuff. They are fucking blank and could be mistaken for pictures rather than videos. And oh, there’s 171 pages of content here, which is nothing to turn your booty up at!

    And now, let’s turn our attention to the main site features in this blank bit of mistaken haven. As expected, Nhentai Haven has very limited site features, and that irks me to the bones and coursing marrow! This place is like a thot with a flat chest and a booty that’s not big enough to be perched on a dime, let alone your face and that should be a criminal offence! Anyway, the site features here comprise a basic search option, plus Home, Popular, and Random tabs. Yeah, that’s it and there’s no category page, sign up and login links, or options to sort content by rating, popularity, number of views, and the like.

    Sure the stuff on the homepage is sorted by recentness by default, but that’s not good enough. Here’s to hoping that the content on this site goes a long way to make up for the paucity of user options and features, plus the lackluster site design. But then hope is something you do when you are fucked to the gills and paddling down a waterfall in a leaky kayak and there’s a whole herd of hippos awaiting your august presence!

Moving To Heavenly Places!

    Like I said, the content thumbnails on the homepage and elsewhere lack titles or any other sort of identification or ranking. That’s messed up, to be honest. And no, hovering your cursor on these thumbnails will not bring up the missing titles and I am sitting here trying to understand why a fella would create a toon porn site and not take the trouble to make sure that 171 pages of content had the right titles, or any title. The missing titles complicate matters because you can’t use the search option to search for content whose title you don’t know. Plus the whole thing is so unforgivably amateurish.

    And while the missing titles do show up when you click on a content thumbnail preparatory to video playback, that’s simply not good enough. Plus even when the content thumbnails are clicked, the content title that shows up is often incomplete. That’s fucked up to the nines, mines and tines.

    So, I watched a video titled Busty Hentai Lesbian and it seems to have been borrowed from Pornhub. This video had a 5-minute runtime and has been viewed 484 times so far. It was also not my kind of thing, with the two featured chicks having overly jerky motions and the whole thing not being as realistic as I hoped for. Fuck those cunts and the lesbian material they are made out of!

    Up next was Cerberus Has Sex with Luc…. Yeah, the title here trailed off to nothingness. Anyway, this video had a 9-minute runtime and had been viewed over a thousand times before this review. And you know what, it turns out that it was not a hentai video.

    Yeah, Cerberus Has Sex With Luc… is a manga that someone filmed and put on this site, just like you would screen record an Instagram video because you don’t know the right kind of app to download it. Sure, this video had a higher quality than the first one, but it simply didn’t feel authentic to me. I would rather watch grass grow in the Arctic than sit through 8 minutes of a filmed manga and that’s on Mary had a little lamb that I made a little lame in the flaming wok I got over yonder!

    Now, playback options on Nhentaihaven.com are very limited. You can watch stuff in full screen, but that’s about the extent of playback options. There are no direct downloads and no direct sharing options. But you can at least upvote and downvote content and check out related videos. There’s also no way to adjust content quality and I would be surprised if half of the stuff in this place is full HD. Videos load fast and play smoothly though, but older videos are often unplayable.

    And oh, nothing here is dated and I have no way of verifying the content update frequency. But if this place is anything like I think it is, then expect updates once every blue moon or so!

What ThePornGuy Thinks of Nhentaihaven

    This place is a shame and is afflicted with almost everything that could be wrong with a porn site. Nhentaihaven is not recommended in any way, shape, or form and that’s the kind of declaration even the UN needs to hear, obey and jerk off on, pronto!