Eporner

Eporner.com

    There’s just something bold about Eporner and once you hear the name it kinda sticks to your brain like it was hammered there by one of those always-angry carpenters we all seem to be acquainted with! Visited the site before? Probably yes, though you might not remember the occasion, especially since at that time you were so desperately looking for wanking material that you might not even recognize your mugshot!

    Here’s my Eporner.com review and cursed be my hand if it does give you a boner you can hop up a mesquite tree with, just like a jackrabbit!

Eporner and its Many Manufactured Boners!

    Getting almighty boners on Eporner is easy as fuck! Just take a good look at the videos on the homepage and your woody will get the memo, rise like the newest conqueror in town and start blasting shots of cum at everything it sees! Be sure to restrict the freedom of that one-eyed snake though, or the nutrients it is wasting in your cumshots will shortly make you as blind as the bat that spent too much time on the Noah Get the Boat Reddit thread!

    Now, the Eporner homepage is so crowded that there’s no space for a couple of fornicating houseflies to finish their business and be gone! There are video image thumbnails, tabs, and sorting options everywhere and it’s just too much for the senses to take in and be glad.

    The site design is a very simple and standard affair and the background color is black. But there’s a strip of red atop the page that fails to match the overall theme or inspire anything other than total indifference and disappointment.

    The top left of the page hosts the site logo, a Live Sex button that leads to Stripchat.com, and a search bar that can be supposedly used to search for videos, images, pornstars, and Bill Clinton’s missing dick! Next to the search bar is an Upload Video tab, plus two other options that let you switch from the default dark mode to a light one.

    Switching to the Light mode is recommended and makes the whole page look more classy. The far left side has login and registration tabs, as well as a language option where users can choose from 8 different languages.

    Registration on Eporner is free and lets you upload content and leave comments. You can make the process much faster by signing in with your Google account. Is that risky? Not really. Just make sure you don’t use your work email to sign in, or your boss/co-workers who have access to it might start having hard times at work. Just saying!

A Poke In Eporner’s Ass!

    Eporner.com says it has the most comprehensive collection of HD smut on the planet and I would love to get my hands on the site admins and ram into them a few times for making an empty boast like this! Sure, there’s a blistering array and number of smut here, but I don’t think the collection is the biggest and greatest on the planet. And I also don’t think that Eporner should play judge and jury over their collection.

    Now, let’s get serious about tabs, sorting options, and female pussy hungering for dripping cocks! Some sorting options are arranged vertically at the left side of the homepage. With these, you can check out the newest videos, best, most rated, and most viewed content, plus professional or amateur porn and porn that falls under varied categories.

    And just above the main video page are options to sort content by 4K, 60fps and VR. Click on these or any other category and new content sorting options will be presented on the newly loaded page that lets you sort content by rating, duration, number of views, and recentness. You can also check out the top content in a week or a month, which is neat.

    The tabs here are Home, Videos, 4K Porn, Best Videos, Categories, Pornstars, Pics & GIFS, and Community. All but 3 of these tabs have pull-down menus. These pull-down menus can be useful and time-saving if you know what you are doing and aren’t so desperate to fap that J.Lo could down a crate of spoiled eggs and fart in your mouth and you wouldn’t notice!

    The Community tab is mainly for members. Visit and have a look at the most active profiles, latest comments, and new videos, images, and GIFs uploaded by members. It is not the coziest lobby I have been in though and members tend to be sex-obsessed freaks who would fuck a frozen tuna and complain it made their balls ache!

    The Pics & GIFs tab has its function spelled out. The content here is hi-res and lovely. You will find professionally shot and crafted media here, plus amateur ones and they are both quite good.

    And it does seem like every female pornstar that matters has a page in the Eporner Pornstars tab! These pages are detailed to an uncommon degree, featuring a bio and statistics section. Near the bottom of each pornstar page are links to all their videos on Eporner, with the runtime, and rating, and the number of views each has being listed. The page bottom also hosts their entire adult movie filmography. That’s awesome on every level.

     The rest of the tabs do what they say on the tin and I don’t think there’s any need to undress them and see what they are packing down below, right?

Have A DicK In 4K

    There are 4,887 4K videos on Eporner. But don’t shout out this sobering fact, or there will be a revolution up in heaven, with the angels wanking away instead of singing the praises of the almighty like they are supposed to!

    One thing I might have neglected to mention is that video image thumbnails on the site have a runtime, approval rating, number of views, and title. The name of the person that uploaded the video, GIF or picture is also indicated, but there is no option to subscribe to their content and get notified every time they upload stuff they must have borrowed/stolen from other sites to post on Eporner. I’m not condemning here, just making my opinion known.

    Anyway, sample titles in the 4K category include: Petite Teen Salivating For Big Black Cock, Ricki Raxx In The Shower, Jaye Summers Fails Every Test But One, Vina Sky New Year Creampie, and Lana Rhoa Flirts and Squirts. Kindly note that some smut titles make little sense and are composed of words and letters like a code of sorts. I blame the uploaders for that.

    Video quality is highly variable on Eporner. Some videos max out at 480p, but there are also HD, Full HD, and 4K content. The embedded video player is better than most and lets you choose your preferred content quality and playback speed. Plus videos are longer than average, with most exceeding 20 minutes. They also load very fast and there’s zero buffering.

    The site update frequency appears okay, but I don’t know for sure because content lack dates. One-click video downloads are supported, but if you need to download a picture or GIF, just right-click and hope for the best.

    So, I eventually fapped to a video titled- She Can’t Get Enough Gaping No Matter What. It comes from the stable of Tushy Raw and features Harmony Wonder. She’s slim, tight, curvy, very pretty and has a coochie that looks like a butterfly that’s just about to flap its wings and move to Zion!

    This 12:13 minutes video comes in full HD and opens with this chick posing outdoors clad in a slinky dress. Then she moves indoors, strips to her undies, dances, kneels on a coach, and moves her panties to the side. Seconds after, a guy appears, dribbles lube all over his rigid man meat, and uses this to spear Harmony’s asshole. Within seconds, this hole was gaping so wide it looked like she could give birth through it!

    Harmony dear got fucked in varied positions all in the same hole and never lost her poise and beauty. I was just about to tell the guy who’s been ardently punishing her butthole to move aside and let me try my luck, till I remembered I was watching a porn flick, rather than starring in one! Poor me!

What I Think of Eporner

      Eporner’s page design sucks dog ass, but the rest of it is solid and entertaining. Yes, it is worth recommending.