99Classic

99Classic.com

    The 90s was the last decade in which you could reasonably be sure of the sanity of most of whom you met up with. Contrast it to these days where everyone is certifiably crazy and the only thing keeping them out of the loony house is the fact that they do their best to keep their demons in check, while pretending that all is perfect on social media.

    One thing I really miss about the 90s is the fact that you could pick up a random chick and fuck her uterus to ribbons without bothering about rubbers, cos chances were good that the only nasty thing she could gift you with was a mild dose of the clap. Life these days on the other hand is so dangerous that you can pick up Covid from a pussy fart!

    If you are as nostalgic about the 90s like I so demonstrably am, then a site like 99Classic is what the funky doctor ordered. It’s raw as fuck, innocent in its way, and filled with girls who look like they will call you “Sir" and let you finger them in the church if you are discreet enough! Yeah, 90s porn was something else, and this retro porn site is really on a mission to show us what we have been missing out on.

    Well, welcome to my 99Classic.com review. Read it and weep at all we have lost, won, and gone through, and the fact that we didn’t know enough about Bitcoin to buy shiploads of it back when it was still worth a bucket of piss!

Get To Steppin!

    Know how to step? Well, you have to do better, fam, cos we are heading back to the nineties, and you better not let your pathetic leg work drag us back to the present! And what’s the vehicle carrying us to where we going? 99Classic of course!

    Now, the site does look a little bit dated. And colorless. It sits on a white background, with top XXX sites and a comprehensive list of categories posted at the page bottom, while most of the screen real estate is taken up with XXX image thumbnails. These thumbnails lack a date, title, or whatever. Just the runtime is listed and a few have tags. They also do not play when a cursor comes over them like a fatty wanting his bollocks licked!

    A search bar stands guard at the top right of the homepage. Next to it is a language option with a total of 8 languages for folks to choose from. At the top left is a pull-down Category menu that when clicked displays the same category list you will find at the bottom of the page.

    There are no tabs, at least not like I know and love them. All that’s there are Most Popular, Newest, and Longest video buttons and these do what they say on the goddamn tin. And for some reason, every click on every option on the site opens up what you are looking for on a new tab. Sure that’s good in its way, but before you know it your screen will be filled with tabs that you will be unable to close in time when your wicked boss walks past your cubicle! Often though, these tabs open to another vintage porn site and you might not notice till you look at the address.

Vintage Pussy Wet How You Like Em!

    I have no idea as to how much content is on this vintage XXX site or the frequency of content updates. I would guess you will find like a couple thousand porn videos here, and more than a few appear to be full-length.

    Anyway, it turns out that you can only see a video title when you click on it to play. Videos load fast and play smoothly, but the quality is usually piss-poor. No, they are not bad enough to make you poke out your eyes with a kitchen fork, but they can’t be above 360p. However, there are HD videos scattered here and there, but finding them is hard work. Also, the embedded video player is so basic it belongs to the dinosaur era. Yeah, a meteorite better obliterate it this month or I will put my foot in its ass!

    I fapped to a few stuff, one of which was titled Playmate Juliana Young. This video was slightly above a dozen minutes long and is a softcore shoot of a young, blonde, pretty, and busty lady who’s seen exposing herself indoors and outdoors. Know something a little creepy? They showed photos of this particular playmate from when she was a kid. Sure, she wasn’t nude in these photos, but that was still a little disturbing and not something to be seen on a fapping site. More, some fellas and sluts on the site do look awfully young. Not sure if they are legally adults or not, or if it matters.

    I also had some fun with a production titled Vintage Orgy 09. It was in HD and unlike most videos on this vintage XXX site, you can choose the quality you want to view it in. I opted for 720p of course. This 25-minutes long video showcased a group of young ladies dressed as nuns who get masturbated and fucked by a bunch of dudes in monk robes. If the ladies are actually nuns, then I will take this as a sign from heaven that my cock needs to be buried in nun pussy before the week is out!

What I Think of 99Classic

    99Classic is just like the 90s- worse than it actually was, but better in your memory of it. Yeah, this site has vintage porn, but so do other sites and on some of these sites you can watch better quality vintage porn that’s been upscaled with enough eye candy to give bronchitis to an elephant!

    Would I recommend 99 Classic? Not really. It’s not that good and I am not in the habit of recommending average stuff to my sterling readers, fans, and fellow members of the united order of maximum fappers! So, fuck this vintage XXX site in the ass, and fuck a 90s chick this week for old times sake!